Weijian has offcially become a Christian!

happy: )

anw exams next week and i am not really prepared so please
pray for me: )

thanks: )

9:46 PM
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I'll give my own account to God.

11:26 PM
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I'll give my own account to God.

1:03 AM
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I'll give my own account to God.

Okay heard from a friend that I should post abt my life because I am parading with it(my life) everywhere u(I) go and people have the rights to know..so..

Actually for this like week I have been out..most of the time alone.Wanted to spend some time alone like I used to..and reflect.Been to esplande,tampines mall aiport and places that I used to be familiar with.I thought abt a lot of things,like how we can lose friends because time passes by so quickly,and like how the minorities are always the ones being outcasted.How much love do we need to receive first before we can start giving?

I have been thinking about my relationships with people and I was reminded about my j3 seniors..I was (self-)considered close with them as in the council seniors and like we used to like talk and do stuff together(we even had the new year's countdown in sch tgt!) but we sort of stopped talking to each other and soon aft we disappeared from each others' life.I was just thinking if we have to point out any regrets we have in life,mine is definately not finding out the misunderstandings or whatsoever that might have happened.I had no courage then.I had none.

Then i was reminded of my relationships with my juniors.I was always closer with my juniors than my own batch.In council esp within the welfare committee,I always enjoyed being with them even though my batch had huge disagreements with their batch(Who cares,they are still my friends),but it seems like we are slowly losing touch too..

It made me think if I don't know how to handle relationships well enough.My lower sec friends are slowly getting away even though I try very hard to have meet-ups..that was not the promise we made to each other was it?Sometimes when I see my school-mates I try to avoid them and walk away,that is not what it should be like,is it?

In 1A 2A I had to deal with problematic classmates who cut their wrists,organize a lot of things because I used to be the monitor and cause I was apparently in the major clique of the class.I had to face unreasonable teachers(one who happens to be my CCA techer and FORM teacher)who will shout at you for no reasons.People will watch your every move and try to find faults.People try to make use of your friendship for their own motives.Sometimes I ask myself yongsheng is it worth it?after all that you have done for them is it worth it?

I was in 3D 4D and I have to say I really had ups and downs there.How to handle disputes among classmates and the stress of being the only councillor in class were issues I had to face everyday.Sometimes I have fingers pointing at me because I was not being 'councillor-ly' not only from teachers but from my classmates as well.They will just tell you right in front of your face without considering your feelings,thinking that you are the joker of the class and therefore you should be able to take it.Sometimes I get disgusted by even my own friends and that's when I guess I started to go out alone.I used to take MRT/Bus to Woodlands Jurong Orchard Road(People like me live in the East) wherever I feel like going on that day itself.It felt as if I did not have to think about anything and everything is clean and clear.There was peace.And I loved it.Its probably when I have this quiet personality too I guess.I used to be laughing and joking around all the time but when I reached home its like being drained of energy and emotions.Friends thought that I have changed,but to me its for the better.It was so tiring(only on some Occasions I guess,that I felt this way) trying to bring joy to the class every single day.I had to break the ice for 4D and try to be inviting to Jovan who got transferred to our class when I myself got hurt.LOL I really dont want to complain cause I love my class so I will stop here.

Then I started to think that was I trying too hard to build relationships with my juniors that I forgot to let them look up to me as a big brother?(I am talking about this in the context of my church)Have I gone too far and too overboard?I only wanted to care for them!I did not think about any other things.Am I wrong?

I try to surpress my emotions whenever I face insults or nasty gossips about me but I have forgotten how to cry because I just couldnt.I hate to cry in front of people(except this once when it was council farewell)All I could do was to pray.Looking back at my life I would say I have experienced a lot,in fact (I would say) a lot more than my peers/classmates and I thought to Him that if He wants to take me now I can go with no regrets.But I realised that I have so much more to learn,so much more to experience and so much more to go through.There is just so much more waiting for me.How can I stop?How can I?

Maybe its a phase that everybody goes through and I believe most of us will.The big word:RELATIONSHIPS.This hits me especially hard though.In my life all I seek for is the relationships with people(and God) and how I can spread love around.Sounds very cliched but what have we all done today that is worthy of our own praise?Are we so caught up with life that we forgot how we wanted our lives to be?

Probably.

11:54 PM
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I'll give my own account to God.

Okay just had alpha course holy spirit weekend..its definately a fulfilling and amazing camp for me..in this 24 hrs I realised a lot,like how the juniors have been going through and the various struggles that they face..its hard,really..BUT ALWAYS LOOK UP TO GOD!!jiayou!its somethng you have to go through yourself to discover what this God means to you.

Ah yesterday went to esplanade and central and sort of walk arnd happened to have some mid-autumn festival thing and some performance.Managed to catch a performance by 'my little airport'..a hongkong band..quite cocky band..haha(just my personal opinions) might be their style but it is not appealing to me.Anw met teng hui and titus somewhere also: )

Ah I miss my classmates!okay resolution:Gonna stay in contact with my sec sch friends and try to go out more often with my jc friends: )
ps.As for church friends,we always meet: )

9:38 PM
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I'll give my own account to God.